A Thing About Mushrooms
by Hawki
Summary: Oneshot: Mushroom Hill lived up to its namesake. In fact, it was something of a mushroom kingdom. That might explain why a castle had popped up there.


**A Thing About Mushrooms**

A funny thing happened to me the other day.

It was one week after Angel Island was saved by yours truly. Yes, you might be able to claim that a certain blue hedgehog did the saving, but he was peripheral at best. I'm the guardian of this island, I'm the one who protects it and the Master Emerald, I'm the one who gets to be the hero. Yes, I wasn't a perfect hero, and yes, I let Robotnik trick me, but still, get your story straight. Both the one last week, and the one I'm telling you now.

So, week after saving Angel Island from the big round guy with a squirrel up his nose, I was spending time cleaning up the island. Not only destroying Robotnik's remaining badniks and freeing the animals inside, but also dealing with the scrap metal they left behind. I have to say, I have no idea what I'm going to do about the Death Egg's launch base, or the damage to Sky Sanctuary, or the wildfires that spread across the island's forests, or all the busted mains in Hydro City, but still, baby steps. Point is, the clean-up process had taken me to Mushroom Hill. That, at least, was healing nicely. I don't know what Robotnik did to the mushrooms here with his device, or whether it was intentional or not, but whatever, they were back to being nice and red rather than the sickly green they'd been reduced to. Because red's a good colour. Far better than blue or orange, let me tell you. Granted, it's also the colour of Robotnik and his Egg Robos, but difference is, red's my natural colour. He just gets to wear it.

Like someone else. Someone that I saw the other day. That someone who I'm going to talk to you about.

So, here was me, eating some ants and grapes, thinking about how I'm the last of my kind, and how that most certainly isn't a crippling fear that keeps me awake at night, when down in the hills, I saw something. Or someone. If we're going by species, I'll call him a human – a strange hairless ape that I wasn't sure even existed until Robotnik turned up. If we're going by the "someone" part of that observation, I'm afraid I can't say. He wore blue overalls, white gloves, and had a red cap with an **M **emblazoned on it. Still, that isn't a name. Still, for clarity's sake, I'll call him "M." So I, Knuckles the Echidna, spotted M making his way along the path, as if he could only move in two dimensions (which is silly of course, I mean, I can totally move in three dimensions, why can't he?), jumping on strange little brown things that looked like walking mushrooms.

I must admit, dear reader, that I was perplexed. For starters, what were the brown things? Had they been created by Robotnik? Were they the unholy spawn of the mushrooms of these hills? Why were they just waddling up to M, and why was M jumping on them? Like, granted, I jump on enemies a lot, but I at least curl up into a ball to do it. M was just jumping up without any of the curling, and squashing the mushroom creatures flat. It was serving him well, but for how long, I wondered? And should I intervene?

I must admit that my first instinct was to do so. However, my second instinct held me back. Wait and see. I'd taken Robotnik at his word, and all of Angel Island paid the price for it. On that day, I swore to never be tricked again, and I know with absolute certainty that that's a promise I'll be able to keep. So, as I watched M jump up on the mushroom people, I decided to wait and see what happened. Even if he dressed like Robotnik, even if he had a moustache like Robotnik, I couldn't just jump to conclusions, even if jumping was all that M did. Or at least all he did for the first five minutes before it happened.

He punched one of the mushrooms, and something came out. Call me mad if you must, but I swear by the Seven, the mushroom had eyes on it. Of course it was only a split second before M jumped into that mushroom and grew twice as large. I stared, dear reader, even as M moved on from the mushroom people and started attacking tortoise people who were just walking along without minding anyone's business. Again, I would have intervened, but still, I had to be absolutely sure about M's intentions. I also had to be sure that I wasn't on the 'shrooms myself. Because for all I knew, I'd eaten some mushroom, and this was me having a hallucinogenic experience. Or, maybe it was something else. Maybe, like the last guardian, Kneecaps the Echidna, I had pierced the veil between realities. Laugh if you must, but the multiverse is a thing. And if you don't believe me, I'll point out the Special Zone exists, which is a world of birds, fish, and half-pipes. Also red and blue spheres, but…I don't talk about that.

So I followed M as he went along. I watched as he trounced anyone who got in his way. I watched how he found an invincibility monitor, but when he smashed it, a single gold star came out. He jumped into it, let out a "here we go," and began to plough through all the mushroom and tortoise people. Gliding along, keeping my eye on him, I saw two things. The first was a giant flagpole that M scaled. I would have asked where it came from, but the bigger question was where the castle beside it had come from. Because apparently there was a castle in Mushroom Hill all this time, and I didn't know. Like, what was this, some kind of mushroom kingdom then?

I didn't follow M as he went into the castle. Truth be told, I wasn't feeling that well. Maybe it was the ants, maybe it was the grapes, maybe it was the 'shrooms that I was sure I hadn't actually eaten, or maybe I was so out of it that I'd forgotten eating them in the first place. But whatever the case, I watched and waited. And before long, M walked out, looking a bit dejected, and a lot shorter (had the 'shroom magic worn off?) For all his silence up to this point, he began making up for lost time, letting out a series of expletives that I will not reprint here lest I offend someone's delicate sensibilities. Also, admittedly, I didn't even get all of it. Something about castles, and a princess being in one of them, and being forced to explore numerous castles to find this princess. Also, no, I don't remember her name, only that she was named after a fruit. Princess Mango? Princess Pineapple? Apple, Orange, Grape? Something like that. I don't know why M was eating a form of fungi to save a princess named after a fruit, but then, I didn't know why a castle was in Mushroom Hill either. Which, let me tell you, didn't do my self-confidence much good. If this was here the whole time, what else had I missed?

Tell you what I didn't miss – the moment when a green pipe came out of the ground and M dropped down it. After that, the pipe disappeared, and all that I was left with was a castle, a flag, and dozens of slaughtered mushroom and tortoise people.

And that's my story. All I can say is that I had some more clean-up to do, and that yes, there's a mass grave somewhere, and no, I'm not saying where it is. I will admit that I fear I underestimated M's depravity, because it was clear, handing the mushrooms and tortoises, that "M" stands for "Murderer." Also that hitting any of the mushrooms in these hills doesn't allow me to grow twice as large, so…go figure.

Alright. That's it. That's the story. Now sod off. I've got an island to clean up, a murderer to find, and he's got to find his fruit princess. And if you think that's weird, you don't know want to know what happened when "L" turned up.

Wait. You do?

Alright then…


End file.
